if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
