he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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