I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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