He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
