It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
