why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
