don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
