She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
