then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't deserve a penis
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
