So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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