I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
