Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
