Cold hands, warm shart.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
