i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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