I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
