My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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