my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
