I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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