I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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