did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
