I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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