Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
