I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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