She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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