He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His nipple licking is glorious
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