Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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