I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
