she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
