I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
