I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
