I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
