Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
