This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
