my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
