It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
