It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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