fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
