I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
