they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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