you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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