Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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