I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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