thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
