your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
