I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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