Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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