I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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