the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
