I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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