and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
