Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
