I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
