Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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