I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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