can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The Olympian is in my bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
